Face Your Demons, Find your power
8 October 2024 Have you ever felt a powerful urge to pursue a passion, only to be held back by anxiety and self-doubt? I know this feeling all too well. This week began like any other challenging moment, but something shifted unexpectedly, leaving me in deep reflection.
Once again, I found myself under the unforgiving gaze of a camera, zooming in on my imperfections. This time, however, it was much harder than during my previous photoshoot. Why? My besties were nowhere around, and the photographer was a stranger. The anxiety I felt before the shoot was indescribable, reminiscent of an experience from my past - a talent show I nervously entered many years ago.
I remember waking up in the middle of the night to stand in line for my chance to chase my dreams. I was determined to be brave. But as other contestants lined up, I felt their confidence seep into my own self-doubt. Analysing their body language and interactions only intensified my insecurities. By the time I stepped into the audition room, I was a complete mess. When I opened my mouth to sing, not a sound emerged. Leaving that room, I was shattered - especially knowing my family had come to support me. Their ‘faith’ in me felt like a weight I couldn’t bear when I had to tell them what happened.
Fortunately, my experience with Hazel, the photographer, was a world apart. She turned out to be not just an incredible talent but also an extraordinary person. Though it took me about 30 minutes to feel comfortable, that’s a significant improvement for me; it can take weeks or even months to acclimate to new people. Hazel was kind, patient, and dedicated to making me feel at ease. She effortlessly guided me through poses and showered me with positive affirmations, her infectious energy transforming the studio into a haven of creativity.
What struck me was the contrast to my earlier experiences. Why was I able to find comfort this time? The answer? Growth. My ability to read people’s true intentions, which once paralysed me, has become my superpower. No longer do I feel the need to mold myself into someone I think others will accept. By being brave enough to be myself, I found a level of comfort I had never experienced before.
For too long, fear crippled every decision I made. It’s frustrating when your dreams align with your gifts, yet your personality holds you back. Was this truly who I was? Was I born with this crippling fear? It turns out, no. This year has forced me to confront my demons and past traumas, particularly my inner child, who has lingered in the shadows of my mind, reliving every experience that fueled my fears.
Many believe we should simply “move on” from negative experiences, but I’ve discovered that these moments shape who we are. To heal and grow, we must face our demons head-on, sit with them, and move at a pace that honours our body, mind and soul. Denying ourselves this growth is an injustice not just to our inner child, but to the world that needs our contributions.
Entering my master’s program, I thought I knew what to expect. Instead, I found healing as I confronted long-held fears. With each piece I work through, I’m moving closer to making a lasting impact, and a little closer to immortality.
If you find yourself paralysed by anxiety, fear, doubts, or insecurities, I urge you to seek out the roots of those feelings. Many of our crippling fears stem from untreated childhood trauma, and the only way to overcome them is to identify and confront them. Face your demons with the determination of a pirate hunting for treasure - treasure that can change everything. By embracing your true self, you can transform into the extraordinary person you were always meant to be.
Until next time - keep the music alive and buzzing!
Carnita Bee
